sleepless nights

once again..... teeth brushed, face washed, nighty on, tucked in...... and wide awake.

things to do to try and fall asleep-
1. read- check. One chapter of 'Knowing God' by Dr. JI Packer has been thoughtfully read, yet not fully digested. Tonight's chapter 'God Only Wise' was actually exactly what I needed to hear. convicting.
2. try to wake up husband- check. This may seem cruel. But what you may not understand is that my husband is a pro at sleep talking. And it takes little effort at all to get a few hilarious comments from him. Tonight's discussion was targeted towards Best Buy Computers.... and how they haven't changed in 5 years since he worked there in the year 5000. Deep musings of a sleep talking genius, huh.
3. make some "sleepy time" herbal tea and blog- check.

So, I guess I'll blog on a quote from Dr. Packer. (did ya know that JI stands for James Innell?)
'Perhaps His purpose [in our perplexing trials] is simply to draw us closer to Himself in conscious communion with Him; for it is often the case, as all the saints know, that fellowship with the Father and Son is most vivid and sweet, and Christian joy is greatest when the cross is heaviest. (pg. 97).

As I admit that this past year has been in many ways been a perplexing trial, I also have to admit that, to be honest, I haven't clung to Christ. I believe what Dr. Packer so eloquently reminded me of tonight. I really do believe it. Why then has fellowship not been vivid and sweet? Why do I really feel like my joy has been taken? Probably because the burdens of these perplexing trials have been, for the most part, carried on my own independent shoulders. But the good news is that independence eventually leads to exhaustion. Exhaustion reveals weakness. Weakness demands drawing near...... which fosters vivid, sweet, and joyful fellowship with the God who was in the midst of the trail all along.

i guess sleepless nights aren't too bad when you get to, with peace and quiet, think on deep truths.... and when you can glean wisdom about Best Buy computers from your honey!

goodnight.